Success?

About an hour ago I walked out of a computer lab in my building feeling a combination of relief and wonder. I was definitely relieved that my students didn't balk at the idea of creating videos. In fact, once they got started I heard them sharing ideas, laughing and even saying things like, "this is going to be great!". Some of the other groups worked much more quietly but still seemed to be enjoying the process.

Viewing the footage also gave all of the students a chance to reflect on their experience with the kids. They were remembering what they did and sharing stories about the experience. It was good to hear that kind of talk as well.

There were, what I feared, some technical glitches. Unfortunately, the IT folks burned my footage on to DVDs in a format that was not suitable for editing. I knew that yesterday and scrambled to create CDs myself. However, in class we realized that I only put the footage from one day on the disc. This, of course, was disappointing and limited what they could do. About an hour or so into the class I had an idea and finally was able to produce one disc that had all of the footage. Three of the groups decided to incorporate the new footage, two of the groups had already made decisions about their project and didn't want to make changes, and two other groups left class still on the fence about whether they would use the additional footage.

And, one kind of strange and sort of embarrassing interaction occurred. I remarked how one of the students is my advisee and we would be together for the next four years. She responded by saying that she was even taking another class of mine next semester. To which I replied, "And, that's a real class". Another student overheard me and said, "You're dissin' your own class!". I was kind of embarrassed and I don't even remember exactly how I responded to him. Something lame like, "oh, I just meant she is taking a class with me that is closer to my expertise" -- I am not even sure.

I wish I could take it back. All semester I was concerned that students would consider this course a joke and not a real class. And, actually, none of them ever said anything to that affect. So, why would I hand this to them? Why would I say the thing that I didn't want them to say? Is it what I really believe about the class? Or, am I pre-empting the possibility of them rejecting me by rejecting myself first? And -- how pathetic is that?

Let the right one in

I recently read a book called Let the Right One In. It was a vampire book and so I didn't really think it I would make any personal connections. But, as I reflect on teaching my Applied Theatre class, I realize that I needed to be aware of who to "let in". Over the course of this semester I have decided to let my entire class into my metacognitive process concerning the class. This was somewhat successful and yet has caused me a great deal of anxiety -- still does.
I have told my students that this is the first time I am teaching this class and giving these assignments so I have no idea how they will go. They have to trust me, I have to trust myself, I have to trust them. I've given assignments and seen eyes roll only to find out later that they enjoyed doing them. I've given other assignments that are official flops. Yesterday a student wrote to ask how long his final paper should be. He was concerned because he said that his draft is getting lengthy. I wrote back and told him I would stop reading when I got bored. Having never assigned that paper before I could only guess at page length. My general instruction to the class is to include all the parts that I've asked for and write until you are finished. We will see how long they are.

Today will be another adventure. They have no idea what they are walking into. Over the past six weeks we have taken a lot of pictures and video footage of the after school program where we volunteered. The other day I imagined it would be fun and interesting to edit this raw footage into something for the class. And then, I thought, "What if they edited the video themselves?".
By the end of the day I had reserved a lab, made CDs of the footage and called a colleague to help with some basic instructions about iMovie. Today is the day. I am going to put them in groups of three and ask them to come up with a creative 3-5 minute video that represents their experience of working at the after school program. There will be 8 videos produced and my hope is that they will all be different.
We spent some time this semester talking about how people are represented in plays, films and books. I am looking forward to how my students choose to represent themselves and the children with whom they worked. And, I am hoping that 8 very different films are produced.
To be sure, if we show up next week and watch essentially the same film 8 times it will be painful. I have actually a few fears about this project. Part of me is excited. It is a creative idea. My students will get an introduction to video editing (a great skill), they will work in groups and be required to collaborate, and they will apply some of the ideas we have discussed this semester in creating the video.
On the other hand, there could be technical difficulties. What if one of the CDs doesn't work? What if they feel overwhelmed by the idea of learning the editing process? What if groups of three are too many? Should it be 2s? What if they just think it's stupid and then when they complete my instructor/course evaluations I get slammed?
So, in about 20 minutes these questions will begin to be answered. I am a little nervous about showing up for class today. I feel like I am always selling my next idea like it's a Ronco product.

Pledge Now

Great lessons are co-created between students and teachers

I've decided that the three rules for being a great teacher are as follows;
1. Do the right thing
2. Say the right thing
3. Do your best

Isn't that right? If a teacher does and says the right thing and does their best they will be an amazing teacher. Of course, how one knows what the right thing is -- that can be debated forever. The reality is that the right thing changes constantly. It is different depending on the day, the child with whom you are working, the mood you are in that day, etc. The right thing is local, contextual, and impossible to fully plan.
The same goes for doing your best. What is your best? Isn't that also local, contextual, and difficult to really know. We often don't know until after the fact.
So, how do we operate in order to come close to doing your best and the right thing as much as possible. I believe that you must be in the moment with your students as much as possible. Plan, of course. Have the plan, know the content. But, then free yourself to really listen to your students and respond to what they tell you they need. They might tell you verbally, maybe just through their body language, or maybe the message will be in the work that they produce.
I am in the midst of grading papers and have been too busy to write. But, I needed to get at least this much down now. More later.

Teacher as Rhetor

For the past few years I've been thinking a lot about the relationship between rhetoric and teaching. This was after seeing a presentation by Gary Woodward on what he calls the Rhetorical Personality. Woodward's ideas about rhetorical personality are from the more modern idea of rhetoric -- or the oldest Sophists -- depending on your perspective. He notes people like Bill Clinton and others who seemed to be able to capture a room and face opposition with poise. I immediately began thinking about how this relates to teaching. Teachers must sometime present things that are unpopular, content they don't know as well as they wish they did, to students who may love them, hate them, resent them, fear them, need them, etc.
Teachers can never have just one self. In fact, no one can. We are all multiples of ourselves. I can't help thinking of that old Michael Keaton movie -- Muliplicity -- where each time he made a copy of himself they became more and more demented in some way. However, they were all legitimately part of him even if those around him weren't aware of all of his selves. Isn't that what we all are? Multiples?! For some people their professions make this multiplicity more or less salient. In teaching it is strongly salient.
There is an idealized teacher -- one that loves learning, is a content expert, is pedagogically neutral, nuturing to his or her students, supportive of a diverse range of students in terms of ethnicity, SES, ability, etc.. But, even if there is such a teacher out there, that is only part of who they are. They may also be [just like Michael Keaton's character] insensitive, developmentally disabled, overly emotional, and a myriad of other things.
There is a need for realization that we are a reflection of our context. Our selves are local and ever changing. In any moment teachers must do the right thing. But, how the hell are they to know what the right thing is? They can plan for a theoretical right thing but in the moment, depending on the student, depending what happened a moment before, what is happening in that exact moment ---- everything can change, the right thing can change. And, you don't know whether it was the right thing until after.
For instance, a teacher puts students in groups because the right thing is to encourage cooperative learning. On Monday it works brilliantly. On Tuesday, a few students argue and the activity unravels and objectives aren't met. The right thing becomes the wrong thing. How can a teacher ever know what is the right thing? Must they know? Or, is it a personality that accepts multiple truths, is flexible, accepting of what the moment brings, the one that is ultimately most successful?

An honest to goodness lesson plan

I just wrote a lesson plan. An actual lesson plan -- for my college class. I was feeling so uncertain and out of sorts about what to do tomorrow that I wrote a plan. It feels good actually.

She said what?

In my class yesterday I was confronted with questions about teaching in the Urban context. Two students in particular pressed me on how to handle "urban language". When I asked for them to give me some examples of what they meant they were intially unable, or maybe unsure about how to phrase what they were thinking.
Two issues emerged, 1. African American Vernacular English, and 2. Values. First, the concern was expressed in terms of "how I was raised" and shouldn't I be able to expect students to act in the way that I think is right. There seemed to be little acknowledgment of the possibility that there could be another version of right in terms of the way a child behaves.
The second issue was around AAVE. I don't even remember what they called it but I just rephrased to a more appropriate terminology. The students seemed dubious when I warned that they should not make a big show of correcting students. I explained that there were times when Standard English would be expected -- writing for example and that expectations about language might change based on the context.
They listened and nodded but I think just because I am the professor. I am not sure I made my argument in a way that welcomed their input. I think I just told them what they are supposed to think. And, I understand that is not very authentic.

Week One down! What worked, what didn't?

Applied Theatre

First, I would like to start by saying that I am inappropriately obsessed with whether I should spell theatre or theater. I am going with theatre. I actually think that theater is correct. However, theatre somehow seems more authentic. And, I believe that most people are too intimated to challenge that spelling.
Now, about the class. Our class meets on Fridays from 2p until 5:20p. As you can imagine I was immediately nervous that my students would be resentful about having essentially a Friday night class. Therefore, I feel it is necessary to spend as much time playing as I can. I had planned some games that we could play outside. But, when I saw my students -- one in a dress, quite a few in clothes with which I am guessing they do not want to contact the grass -- I realized I had to make some quick changes. After I asked them to make sure they wear play clothes next week, we engaged in some great games. We basically worked on warm-ups in a circle -- you, name, fruit; bunny, viking, wok; zip, zap, zop and the like. We laughed and the students got to know each other and bond and it was a blast.
We then moved on to the Children's Book assignment which I think is going to turn out quite brilliantly. Last, we did the boring syllabus stuff. But, even that was great because they asked good questions and it forced me to realize items that I thought were written clearly, but clearly weren't.

Internship I
I was blown away about the absences this week. One person was absent on each of the three days. And, let me tell you that we cover a lot of ground each day -- three hours each of collaborative work that can not be made up. I had to lay down the law and give the old, "the requirements of the class don't change based on your ability to meet them" speech. They looked a little bit scared and I was pleased in spite of myself.
We discussed what made a great story by discussing a two great New Yorker articles -- Trailhead and Strangers on the Mountain. We used vintage post cards as prompts to create and tell our own stories, and we paired up to begin creating original lessons. All this, working in part with college students with developmental disabilities. I felt very strong this week with this particular class. I do love graduate students and the enthusiasm with which they participate.

Seminar

My first seminar class -- another scheduling nightmare -- Wednesday night from 5:30 until 8:20 PM! -- turned out to be just OK -- at least from my perspective. We did an activity to bridge into figuring out personal educational philosophies by examining cliches about education (i.e. all children can learn). We shared hopes and fears as student teaching begins. And, of course, we reviewed some parts of the syllabus. Although, I just didn't have the heart to go through all of it. This is also the class with my student who I believe has Tourette's Syndrome. She has agreed to meet with me this week. I have been doing some research on TS and found a woman named Susan Conner who was a teacher for 33 year and also has TS. I learned a lot and sincerely hope that I can support my student so that she can realize her hope of being a successful teacher.

Facing my shortcomings

During tonight's class I was faced with a student who has a disability for which I am not accustomed. While I am not sure (because she did not disclose), I am guessing she has Tourette's Syndrome. Let me start by saying that I believe that a person with Tourette's can be successful in pursuing just about any career. Susan Conners demonstrated the success of someone in the teaching profession and dealing with Tourette's. However, in my class -- a teacher education class that is the seminar for students who are currently doing their student teaching -- I was caught off guard by this student.
As my students filed in and took their seats I began to notice that one of them had several distinct tics. In addition, she would frequently yell out with loud sounds and grunts. I realized early on that it was involuntary and chose to just ignore it. However, many of her classmates could not. Often, just as someone was getting ready to speak she would let out a loud sound and the speaker would jolt with surprise. The class was visibly uncomfortable with these verbal outbursts.
I wanted to give this student an opportunity to address this so I had each of them share something they were excited about and something that made them nervous about beginning this student teaching experience. I imagined that this particular student might say that she was nervous about how 7 year olds would perceive her. Or maybe, she would mention that it is so hard to keep second graders from being distracted she was nervous that her outbursts would distract them. But instead, she just said that she was nervous about all the work associated with our class and student teaching.
Now about me -- I suck too. I realized upon reflecting on the class that I almost completely ignored her. I was so focused on not paying attention to her outbursts that I have no idea if she ever raised her hand or wanted to speak. For some reason I am feeling very strongly that it would help everyone if she would just disclose what is happening and address the elephant in the room. But, maybe I am wrong. Maybe that is what I need and not really what she needs. I also feel like she should address it with her second graders head on. Am I wrong? I just don't know.

1-1-1

Today was the first official class. It was my internship 1 course. That course has graduate students seeking their initial certifications to teach. This first day is a crazy whirlwind. We meet each other, learn about essential questions and the importance of prior knowledge, they work with a group of college students with developmental disabilities, then go home to do research, write and practice a three minute story that they will perform tomorrow in class, and read an article and be prepared to discuss it. Needless to say they leave exhausted and will likely either shut down tonight and be completely unproductive or shift into high gear.
I was excited about today because I was trying something completely new. I have had a new obsession with old postcards and constantly think about ways in which I can use them in the classroom. Today each student was given a small packet of about 5 old postcards and they had to spend a few minutes examining them. In the process of looking them over the task was to think about what is most interesting to them about the post-card. They could consider the picture on the card, the place it is from, the date and location of the postmark, or even the writing on the card if there is any. Then, they rotated around the classroom and consulted with one another about what interested the other people in the class about their post-card. Tonight they have to choose one aspect of the card and research it and then come in tomorrow ready to tell a three minute story. The story should have romance, drama, intrigue, arouse curiosity, have a clear beginning, middle, and end, etc. I am so excited to see what happens. But, having never done this before, I am also somewhat nervous.
In fact, this entire semester makes me a little bit nervous since I am teaching one completely new class and the other two classes have been completely revamped. Who knows what will work and what will flop?
One thing that didn't flop was my session yesterday with the Freshman. We got together to meet and discuss Day of the Locust by Nathaniel West. They are a dynamite group and I am looking forward to meeting with them for our real class on Friday.

Planning can be dangerous

Super productive day. Look out freshman. I spent the better part of today revising the syllabus for my new course. The course is called something ridiculous like, Applied theatre: American idol meets David Letterman blah, blah, blah. I just called it Applied Theatre but, the powers that be were afraid no one would sign up for it and asked that I give it a jazzy subtitle. I have no idea what my title really means but I suspect my students are expecting a blow off class. After today's big revision I can tell you that it will not be a blow off class at all.
While I expect we will have fun, play improv games, and explore a lot of interesting topics, we are also going to be reading Freire, Giroux, Chomsky, hooks and others. They have a tremendous amount of writing in addition to performance. And, lots of self-reflection. I expect that by mid-semester they will be exhausted and wishing they signed up for something that sounded more difficult but actually turned out to be silly. Instead, they signed up for something that sounded silly and is going to be quite demanding.
That said, I am really proud of this syllabus and I have high hopes for the course. I am quite nervous since the course is brand new and I have no idea what to expect. Still, I believe it has a great deal of potential. Only time (and this blog) will tell.

The power of a nice note

I didn't get a lot of school stuff done today. I did completely purge my closet of clothes that either don't fit or that I haven't worn in a long time. I did read two article that I need for one of my classes. I also answered email and feel generally productive although I still have quite a bit to do in advance of Monday. As today was ending I was feeling a little bit lost, unsure about the plans I have made for this upcoming semester and generally wondering if I make a difference at all. Then, I checked my email.
Recently, I taught a research course in North Jersey. I love teaching research and mentoring students through the research process. It's really one of my true pleasures. But this particular research course is the first in the series of three. And, it's the only one where the students aren't actually working on their projects yet. It is the introduction to everything -- research, themselves, their practice, everything. For five days, 40 hours, they read a ton of theoretical and practical pieces, they journal, they discuss, and they examine and reveal their own biases, philosophies, and motivations. Of the three research courses I like this one the least. I understand it's purpose and I believe it aids in making our students good researchers. But, it feels a bit intrusive and I am not always comfortable doing it.
This past group was somewhat larger than usual. Among the budding researchers were brilliant people, many experienced teachers, a former engineer, one guy, and one girl who I had three times in my courses when she was an undergraduate just a few years ago. I am sure the poor thing had quite enough of me during her time at our college and I felt a little bad for her when I realized this would be her fourth time with me as her professor.
But tonight I received an email from her that said, "All the girls are still quite jealous that I had a class with you! I very much enjoyed your class and am hoping to take 601 and 602 with you in the future. Happy start of the school year!"
The girls to which she is referring are two other former students who are now teachers. I think I had them all 2-3 times when they were undergrads. I am a little bit embarrassed to admit it but, I can't explain how good it feels to have someone tell me that they enjoy being in my class. Teaching is hard for a million reasons. But, if you are even slightly insecure -- if you are someone who needs to know that you are pleasing other people -- teaching is tough. As a teacher, maybe especially a professor, there are very few occasions to receive positive feedback from the people you are most interested in pleasing. Tonight's email was a special treat.

Syllabi Schmyllabi

Today could be a potentially stellar day for finishing up all of my syllabi and being completely prepared for the semester. On the other hand, it's such a tedious task. The part that has me held up now is the calendar. Ironically, as a student, this is the part I love the most. I have to admit that seeing that day-to-day schedule really feels good. From an instructor's standpoint this is a giant pain in the ass. Checking and cross checking the academic calendar with the Jewish calendar with the public school calendar and then my own calendar just makes me cringe.
The truth is that it is not a particularly difficult task. Once I get rolling it is easy and it benefits me just as much as the students. But, I am just feeling blocked and bratty. I would much rather sit around and read - this last day that my son is in camp. Perhaps I am just mourning the loss of summer. I am also a bit disappointed that the summer didn't prove to be as productive as I had hoped. My plan for writing one or maybe even two articles has not come to fruition. I didn't get to visit friends. I didn't even ride my newly tuned up bike. I did go on an amazing vacation.
Enough procrastinating. On to the calendars and finishing touches on the syllabi.

Less than perfect

I just finished .my 5th year as a college professor and am rushing up to the beginning of year 6. This year I am officially tenured. With that tenure comes some added responsibilities. But, more than that, the expectation that I know stuff. Sadly, I still feel like the new professor and I don't feel particularly expert at anything. I know this isn't a unique feeling, everyone goes through it. Still, I keep waiting for that day when I wake up and feel completely grounded.
Over the past few weeks I have been reading books, chapters, articles, and novels that are assigned to the incoming students. I've been making notes, ordering books and films, planning events and activities, developing assignments and you would think that all of that planning would ease the anxiety. Instead, I continue to feel uncertain.
One of my former students started a blog very recently called, "the first 180" where he will document his first year as a teacher. That has inspired me to document this year of my own teaching.
So, hold on while you are riveted by the topsy turvy world of my Fall, 2010 semester. I will be teaching a freshman seminar -- Applied Theatre, a graduate course in teacher education, and a senior seminar.