Merry Christmas from Ben

Michael Richards -- Ughn!

I feel exhausted every time I think about this situation. This morning a few news reports showed highlights from his recent appearance with Jesse Jackson. A small part of me actually feels bad for him. Richards looks like a lost puppy. He really looks like he doesn't understand what has happened. He claims that he is not a racist and he seems to really believe that. Still, he can't account for the words that he so freely spoke on stage and clearly directed at a group of young Black audience members. He looks so stunned that one might wonder if he were momentarily possessed by the spirit of a madman from the deep south 100 years ago. But, superstition aside, he needs to deal with the reality of his words and the consequences.
Consequences. See, I think that's the issue here. He spoke those words freely and with vigor because at that moment he felt safe. He [wrongly] assumed that the crowd would laugh and generally agree with his statements. It is not likely that this is the first time he has spoken in this way. What is likely is that he was never called out on it before. He was always in a place where he was either in the company of like minds or in the company of people who had less power and felt they could not respond appropriately. But, this time was different. He wasn't in his "safe to be racist" zone, although he wrongly assumed he was. He wasn't the most powerful person in the room, although he must have felt he was. Instead, and thankfully, the group he addressed expressed the power to resist such racist comments. We all have this power although many of us do not choose to exercise it.
I take back my original observation that Richards looks like a lost puppy. As I am writing, it is becoming clear what he really looks like. His expression reminds me of a small child who was caught doing something wrong. Just as young children judge "wrongness" by the consequences and not the intent of the actions, Richards is responding to the consequences more than the intent. We must remember though that this is a very immature expression of morality. As we get older, have more experiences, dare I say, "grow up", we learn to reason in a morally advanced way. Richards has not learned to do this yet.

Back to the gym!

I was ready to go and ran upstairs to get dressed for the gym. I reached into the drawer with neatly folded gym clothes that haven't been touched for months and pulled out a pair of comfy shorts. I double checked the size - large - to be sure they would still be comfy shorts and pulled them on. They were tight. Way tight. "I'm a pig", I thought. And almost decided to take a nap instead of going to the gym. But, instead, I pulled out the XLs, giant jog bra, Muppets t-shirt and left the house. As many of you know, leaving the house is a great accomplishment. It almost always means that you are actually going to the gym. I resisted the urge to go to the post office, supermarket, coffee shop and arrived at the Y. Here was my workout: 30 minutes elliptical, 15 minutes old fashioned stair master (the one where you actually climb stairs), 20 minutes new elliptical type machine. I had planned on doing 30 minutes of the old stair climber but forced myself to stay for 15 minutes before I switched machines. More than an hour of cardio - triathlon here I come.
Next day = 30 minutes high intensity cardio + 30 minutes lifting!
I refuse to buy more shorts in size XL so I am going to have to keep this going.

PS3 makes Ben sad

As the lines began to form outside Circuit City and Best Buy stores throughout the country, I became overcome with a feeling of anxiety. I remember the days when parents clamored for Cabbage Patch dolls, Tickle me Elmos and the like. Children crying and parents feeling compelled to shell out money they don't have to stop the tears.
This is problematic on so many levels. First, we socialize our children to think they must have certain things. In part, this is our fault. As adults we insist on having certain items, the best new gadgets, even name brand aspirin as we turn our nose up at the generic ibruprofen. But still, it is imperative that we as adults help children vet out what is important and what is just hype.
But, here's the bit that really gets under my skin. As I saw the lines form and reporters interviewing the folks who were waiting, I realized something really sad and sobering. That realization is that most of the people in line weren't getting the PS3 for themselves. They were buying them [sometimes more than 1] so that they could sell them on Ebay for double or triple or more to desperate parents.
This is the saddest part of all. Forget the village helping to raise your children, they are too busy finding out how to take advantage of the elders. What has happened to our culture when making a buck has trumped everything else? And, I might even be able to wrap my mind around it if they interviewed someone in line who has three kids of his own and will use the money from the PS3 sale to take care of his own family. However, what I keep seeing are young 20-somethings who either don't work or don't mind taking three days off from work to sit in line outside a store.
On the other hand, we shouldn't let the folks off the hook who actually buy these items at ridiculous prices. I can't help but wonder what their life is like that they really think it's worth $3K to purchase a freakin' game. Especially when, if they could wait a month, they could probably buy it right off the shelf at the store at regular price. That group almost deserves the little Veruka Salts with whom they get to live. Still, it makes Ben sad. All sides of it.

I suck

Yesterday I never got to the gym because the baby was sick and I felt bad to leave him with the gym daycare. But really, I just suck. He could have stayed there for an hour. He would have been fine. I need to get over all of my crazy hang-ups and excuses. It's too easy to use the baby to justify things. Who would argue with me when I say that I needed to take care of him and sacrifice my gym workout? So, it's time to be honest with myself about my motivations and obstacles. I can do this, I know I can -- just not today. Today I'm sick, really. Sore throat, fever -- the whole enchilada + I have to work until at least 5p. If I feel better I will go to the gym tonight.

Less than Stellar Start

My triathlon training was thwarted today by a complete lack of sleep. Last night I literally had to hold the baby all night long and was unable to sleep. So, this morning going to the gym to workout seemed very unattractive. Instead I stood at the kitchen counter, bent over from the waist with my head resting on the counter. The coolness of the granite served to wake me up a little bit.
At the moment I am at work, exhausted, trying to read about logistic regression. Yes, it is just as boring as it sounds.
Hopefully, tonight will be filled with sleep and tomorrow will be a better start.

I'm the decider...

And, I've decided to begin training for a triathlon. I've run a marathon and did the city to shore bike ride (150 miles in two days), and now it's time to kick it up a notch -- BAM!

Of course, the baby adds an extra obstacle to my already hectic life. However, my 5:30 a.m. gym visits are getting easier to stomach. I am going to use this blog to document my efforts and to keep me honest.

Stay tuned.

Ben Eats!

What education can learn from business

Corporate wellness programs are becoming very popular to reduce absenteeism, boost productivity and improve morale. According to survey results released in December, 2005 health promotion programs were being implemented by seventy-five percent of large employers, which is up from 2003 by almost twenty five percent. The increase in these programs suggests that they have been successful in reducing workplace stress and the negative consequences associated with that stress.

Although every job comes with a certain degree of stress, it has been well documented that many professionals in social service jobs (i.e. teachers, nurses, social workers) become emotionally exhausted due to the high degree of stress associated with their jobs. Freudenberger (1974) was one of the first people to write about this "burnout" which leads to a lack of energy and overall loss of sense of purpose and accomplishment. Clearly, schools need to provide supports to buffer stress in teachers.

A visit to almost any public elementary school will yield a sobering view of the current supports in place to buffer teacher stress. One of these supports includes "the teachers' lounge". If you've ever been in a teachers' lounge you will surely recall the mismatched chairs, fluorescent lighting, and hand-me-down coffee maker and microwave. The teachers' lounge is virtually a spa getaway.

It seems to me that for very little cost, school districts can at least spruce up the lounges so they are actually relaxing places to regroup between classes. In addition, I would like to see school districts take some of the initiative that the corporate world has taken to support wellness in their staff. How about weekly meditation workshops, subsidized gym or yoga memberships, even a healthy cooking workshop might be nice. The bottom line is that school districts must do more to support teachers so that they do not suffer burnout and lose their sense of purpose.

SOURCES: Bruce Kelley, Ph.D., practice leader for data services, Watson Wyatt Worldwide, Minneapolis; Doug Evans, Ph.D., director, Center for Health Promotion Research, RTI International, Research Triangle Park, N.C.; Sept. 12, 2005, press release, RTI International; Dec. 6, 2005, press release, Watson Wyatt and National Business Group on Health; March 2006 issue brief, National Business Group on Health's Center for Prevention and Health Services, Ten Recommendations for Promoting Prevention. Freudenberger, H. J. (1974). Staff burn-out. Journal of Social Issues, 30, 159-165.

Children and Teachers Being Left Behind

No Child Left Behind. Now, how can anyone argue with legislation that promises to take care of all children? For one thing, calling this legislation No Child Left Behind [NCLB] is the equivalent of calling the devil, Cool Uncle Lucifer. In addition, NCLB is very one-dimensional. It is so hinged on high stakes testing that it ignores other important variables that impact student achievement. In fact, contextual variables are barely recognized as important and teachers are only considered with respect to their credentials. To be sure, teachers should have the appropriate credentials. On the other hand, anyone who has ever come in contact with another person who is supposedly brilliant, but at the same time, a complete ass, should know that teaching credentials are not the end all of what it takes to be an effective teacher.
Let's face it, smart people can make it through a teacher education program, finish with an impressive G.P.A. and still be an ineffective teacher. Why? Well, because to be a good teacher you also need a high degree of emotional intelligence. Of course, we don't test for emotional intelligence [EI]. And, whether or not EI can be taught is an empirical question which has not been sufficiently answered yet. Still, if we are being honest about teachers who make a difference, I don't believe the quality of their transcript is what we would be reflecting upon.
I believe this problem is in part fueled by our preference for all things masculine. In spite of dramatic gains lead by the feminist movement, occupations that are considered "female" are still undervalued. Teaching is no exception here. It is a profession where you need to be both highly qualified in terms of content and highly adept at listening, understanding, and adapting your methods to meet the needs of a wide range of student needs. NCLB values the content knowledge part but not so much the interpersonal EI side. Perhaps it is because the EI aspect of teaching is considered "feminine". And, in our society, it is difficult to be considered both professionally competent and feminine at the same time.

Ben's Pumpkin Patch Pics

Chain letters still? C'mon ladies

I just can't take it anymore. How is it that my 30 something friends, all independent, intelligent women still seem to fall for this crap. Today, I opened my e-mail and once again was greeted by a forwarded letter, complete with the 10+ headings that none of the previous "forwarders" had bothered to clean up. It was the story of some woman whose son died, blah, blah, blah... Now, I am not heartless, but give me a freakin break. The sender of this message apparently thinks that I not only have time to read this crap, but that I believe it and will send it to 10 more people. I usually just straight up delete these messages without even reading them. If I believed what these messages claim, at this point I have likely squashed the hopes and dreams of countless women as they now will not have the good fortune promised to them since I "broke the chain".
Considering that all their lives remain miserable you would think that they would either stop believing these e-mails work. Or, at least begin to suspect that someone is breaking the chain. So, today I made my Arianna Huffington move of fearlessness -- I "replied to all" with the following message,
"You have to stop falling for these chain letters.
Love,
Tab

p.s. please forward this to 10 other crack head mommies who insist on continuing to forward chain letters"

Less than 10 minutes later I recieved a reply from a stay at home mom who I particularly adore. It said simply, "I am bored :-((((((".

I felt bad. Despite the colon, dash, end paren that got on my nerves a bit, I couldn't help think that some of my formerly strong and fearless friends are losing themselves to motherhood. My new fearless move is going to be making an effort to reach out to those friends and help to fill the void currently being filled with crappy chain letters with the friendship that helped us all become the powerful women we are today.

Mark Foley makes Ben angry

Ben is completely pissed that the damn Republicans have once again drawn a creepy parallel between gay men and being a pervert. It is bad enough that Mark Foley checks himself into rehab following the discovery of his innappropriate behavior. If I were an alcoholic I would be angry at this association. But, to compound the insult he has chosen this time to come out as being gay -- just so typical.
I have another theory. My theory involves Foley as a man with a lifelong identity crisis precipitated by having to deny his true self to rise to power in the Republican Party. As he became comfortable in his seat of power he became more careless in covering his creepy tracks. However, assuming he is a normal gay man, all of this could have been avoided if he could have just chosen to be true to himself even if that meant not rising to power in the Republican Party. On the other hand, if he is just a perv -- which is how I am inclined to view him -- how about if he doesn't try to associate himself with the gay community. Which, is NOT, a community of men who are sexual predators targeting young boys.

Why do I obsess?

It shouldn't bother me. I know I should just be able to let this go. But, I still can't get over that Katie Couric somehow commands enough respect for this new gig of hers. She seems like a nice enough lady, I am very sure that she works damn hard at her current job. Still, is it possible that I am the only one who notices that she is actually a very poor interviewer {see previous Katie post}?
So, O.K., Katie's out. But, what's up with skipping right past Ann and Campbell to fill in for her. Meredith is coming out of nowhere. From The View of all places! Maybe someone owes her a favor. God knows she must be dying to work with someone other than Star Jones. And, speaking of Star Jones, the only redeeming thing about Rosie taking over for Meredith is the promise of seeing Star and Rosie interact.
C'mon... does anyone really think these two are going to get along. I have doubts that Rosie will be able to share focus with any of the other three women. When she had her own show she could barely share focus with her own guests [ala Katie Couric], but the demands of playing nice with these three "Viewers" should be quite a site. I say she and Star Jones have an all out physical smack down brawl within the first three months. If not, I see Star or Rosie quitting.

Mullivan Sullivan?

Vote for your favorite baby name...

http://www.babycenter.com/babypoll/6ca2

Please cancel Teachers!

Last week I made the mistake of watching the new sitcom "Teachers". I am surprised that they were able to come up with more than one script since it seemed that they used up all of the jokes to insult teachers in week one. There was nothing original about any of the jokes during this show. In fact, the dialogue was so played out that hearing the laugh track was like seeing a crayon streaking across a Picasso.
On the other hand, if you are interested in spending a half hour listening to teachers being negatively stereotyped as lazy, uninterested in student learning and generally inept, this is the show for you.
How is it possible that Arrested Development is cancelled and Teachers even airs for a second episode? I am so confused about some of the programming I am being faced with these days.

Starbucks is my office

I have been sitting in Starbucks for about five hours revising my dissertation. I didn't anticipate how hard this process would be. Rewriting this crap is tedious. And, worst of all, even when all of the revisions are complete I absolutely know that my committee members will find more things for me to revise. Ultimately, I know that the paper is better for having incorporated the feedback I've been given. Still, I just want to be finished.
I keep thinking how great it would be if my final defense could be an interpretive dance instead of a power point presentation. Who isn't sick and tired of seeing titles fly in with lame sound effects? I am thinking of replacing the default sound effects with sound bites from old shows like Sanford and Son. For instance, when I put the slide up that prompts my audience to ask me questions, the title will slide in along with Fred Sanford's voice saying, "What now dummy?". And, if anyone dares to challenge one of my findings, I can hit the "esc" key on my computer and it will prompt Fred's famous, "How 'bout 5 cross your mouth?" response.
Ok, ok, it's not a very scholarly approach. On the other hand, perhaps my committee will appreciate a break from the normally dry proceedings. And, my defense hearing will not be easily forgotten. Of course, I can probably forget about nominations for dissertation awards, unless the Rubber Chicken Award is now being presented at Penn.
Well, that's my brief rant. It served it's purpose of providing a mental break from revising my paper. Once I am out from under this pile of paper and statistics I will have more to say.

Dick Cheney will kick your ass

By now, the recent [accidental] shooting of Harry Whittington is old news. Today, he was officially discharged from the hospital. If you are like me, you were dying to hear what he would have to say about the incident.
Since Vice President Dick Cheney was so contrite and accepting of all the blame, I figured that Mr. Whittington would be forgiving. What I didn't count on was an apology from the shooting victim. I know some of the shot hit his head, but why would he feel he needs to apologize to his shooter for "the trouble this caused Cheney". How about the trouble it caused you Harry?
Have you forgotten that you were SHOT IN THE FACE?
Clearly, Harry is afraid of Cheney. I suppose with all of the power and influence [and guns] that Cheney has access to, the safest tact is to apologize. After all, Cheney did complain that this has been "a long week" for him. I am sure that his handlers warned Mr. Whittington not to complicate Cheney's week any further.
Although it has not been confirmed by any reliable sources, rumors have it that Mr. Whittington has offered to walk Cheney's dog and hand over his lunch money for the next month and give him a ride to an undisclosed location to help ease his recovery from having to answer questions about shooting a 78 year old friend.

What's in a Name?

A few days ago I learned the sex of the baby I am carrying. Yesterday, my brother called to offer a list of names that he and my other family members had come up with. This list of names included Gilbert, Bart, Mullivan, and Lee Harvey. While all of these names really sound good with the last name "Sullivan", I must say that "Mullivan" is my favorite. In fact, I have many memories of wishing that my parents had gone with thier first instinct for my name, "Smellangelo". When I was in middle school I would often write "Smellangelo Dell'Angelo" on the covers of my text books. Sometimes I thought that my adolescence would have been easier if I had a more interesting, rhyming name, like that one. So, part of me is really attracted to "Mullivan".
On the other hand, as someone who was named after someone famous [Tabitha from Bewitched], I also find myself thinking seriously about my brothers other suggestions. Of course, choosing "Gilbert" forces me to give the middle name "and" -- I am not particularly comfortable using an article for a name. However, Bart and Lee Harvey are very attractive options. "Lee Harvey Sullivan" -- I can only imagine what people will say. It really does sound distinguished -- like an author, and artist, or a skilled gunman.
Of course, the baby is not due until July, so we have plenty of time to entertain other options. Please feel free to make suggestions.

Shut up Katie Couric!

A few years ago I took a class on collecting qualitative data. These data are often used to write ethnographies or in other sociological research. These data include observations, interviews, etc. One of the first things I learned about interviewing was to carefully construct questions to allow the respondent the opportunity to provide as much detail as possible. For instance, you wouldn't ask, "Did you like your mother?", because the respondent could just say "yes" or "no" and then you don't have much information. Rather, you would say something like, "Describe your relationship with your mother." That kind of prompt may open the door to information you hadn't even anticipated -- really rich stuff that could make your study special.
I always imagined that this was the same kind of model that news reporters used for interviewing as well. However, I have noticed over the past few years that some of our [top] news personalities could use a bit of a refresher on how to interview. One particular person jumps out at me -- Katie Couric.
Katie apparently values her own opinions and insights a great deal more than those of the people she interviews. A sample question from Katie goes something like this:

"I would imagine that losing your daughter in such a violent way would be devastating. In other words, having your daughter taken away from you so abruptly must be very difficult, right?"

Although this isn't verbatim, it is awefully close to many Couric interviews. She almost always paraphrases how she thinks the respondent feels and then finishes with a "yes or no" question. Apparently, this is just to confirm the extent to which her own insights are correct.

In addition, she doesn't hesitate to throw in a personal anecdote even when the entire interview may only last 4 minutes. I suppose the American public just can't get enough of Katie, so she feels as a public service she should pre-empt Clint Eastwood, Conde Rice or anyone else to be sure that she provides her viewing audience with information about how she or her daughters feel about an issue.
And one last thing, her overuse of the word "meanwhile" has become an extreme pet peeve of mine. If you haven't noticed, tune in. I promise it will become like nails on a chalkboard in less than a week.
To be sure, I can watch something else. It is my own fault for subjecting myself to awful interviewing techniques, too much lower lid eyeliner and overuse of irrelevant vocabulary. However, I really like Al Roker. What's a girl to do?

The Accidental Caller

I have many pet peeves. One of my pet peeves is when people ask questions to which they already know the answer. Tonight I heard someone's cell phone ringing. For some reason, they chose not to answer. Instead, a few minutes later they returned the call and immediately asked, "Did you just call me?". I will assume that the person on the other end of the line denied the call because his next statement was, "Really, because I just got a call from this number."
Oh, ok Einstein, then why the hell did you begin by asking the question if you already knew the answer?
This is particularly bothersome to me because I have been in the position where I accidentally dialed a number and just hung up when I realized it. Because of the damn oversensitive touchscreen on my overpriced phone, this happens often. And, because I refuse to clean up my contact list, I may easily dial an ex-boyfriend, former employee, former friend, or someone I plain old just don't even remember. I don't want any of these people calling me back and asking if I " just called them".
Clearly if I did, it was a grievous error on my part. And furthermore, if I wanted to speak with them I would have waiting until they answered or left a message. C'mon, if someone doesn't leave a message asking for a return call -- don't call them back. This seems obvious to me. I love it when people don't leave me messages. First, I don't like listening to long winded ridiculous small talk directed to a machine and second, if you don't leave a message I assume it is not important or that perhaps you dialed my number in error. If it is the latter, why would I choose to make you feel uncomfortable by calling back to ask you why you were calling? Or, if you were calling?

The Devil causes traffic jams...

Recently I drove from Pennsylvania to Florida and back. Three factors struck me as significant.

1. I-95 is the most uninteresting road ever built.
2. "South of the Border" is a shithole.
3. Radio stations are almost painful to listen to once you get south of Delaware.

First, driving I-95 is aweful. There is absolutely nothing to look at along the way. I was surprised that even the foilage doesn't seem to change along the way. So, when the flood of signs advertising "South of the Border" begin to appear it is appealing. However, the SOB folks are just preying on the boredom of those traveling this desolate highway.
I fell for it and pulled off. I was dreaming of nachos and guacamole. I was greeted by the biggest tourist trap I had ever encountered. There were giant replicas of sombreros, charicatures of Mexican people that the ACLU should definitely see, and establishments that looked like the Board of Health's "don't" list. I was back in my car within 5 mintues and actually looking forward to getting back on I-95.
The last painful variable for this drive was the radio programming. I learned a lot as I flipped through the stations. First, I was offered many different ways to incorporate Jesus into my life. I learned that "in order to make a difference, I have to be a little bit different". This reprise was sung as part of a song encouraging us to make Jesus a bigger part of our life. I also learned that everything that goes wrong in the world, is caused by the devil. Apparently, the devil is the cause of floods, fires, and the traffic jam that was plaguing Route 16 through Georgia on Saturday.
I wonder if I was more accepting of Jesus, I would have missed the traffic jam altogether. In fact, I imagine that I-95 would have become very beautiful and lined with blooming flowers, Rita's water ice every mile, and live bands. In fact, I bet that truly accepting Him into my life would cause South of the Border to completely disappear just like the house at the end of Poltergeist.

Not the hood

Earlier tonight I was picking up Chinese food in a local shopping center. As I walked toward the restaurant, I noticed a group of teenagers hanging out. This town is actually overrun with teens. Most of the girls are shockingly underdressed and the boys look and act like they are dangerous. However, this is a fairly affluent town, so I suspect that it is in fact "an act" -- just some teenage White boy hypermasculinity. Still, I don't want to be near them as it is unnerving.
On my way out of the restaurant I overheard one of the girls saying to one of the boys, "You're not in the f***ing hood, you're in f***ing Doylestown!". I couldn't help but thinking that was the smartest thing I have heard a teen in this town say.
As I pulled out of the parking lot, I noticed another one of the teens walking toward the group with a thick cardboard tray loaded with Starbucks coffee cups. Now I am sure "it's not the f***ing hood."

Gettin' bigger...

Here it is at 11.2 weeks. Still don't feel anything, but it is definitely in there and getting bigger.